I'm not going to lie, being called to Texas was a surprise. I used to walk past the boys' dorms at BYU every day on my way to work, and every other window had a Texas flag hanging in the window. I used to think "Those Texans and their flag... just so annoying." I guess I should have seen it coming, then, right? Haha! But I'm so excited to be able to go serve the people of Texas!
I didn't always plan on serving a mission. It used to be "Well... if I'm not married by the time I'm 21, I guess I'll think about going." That all changed my junior year of high school. That was the year that the mission ages changed. Imagine my surprise when I first heard President Monson say that I could serve a mission when I was 19! I knew I was going to have to make a decision, and make it soon.
I've been lucky enough to have some great examples in my life. Both of my parents served missions in Nebraska. I have an uncle who served in Wisconsin. I had the opportunity to watch older girls serve missions in places like Japan and Chicago, and three of my closer friends are serving in Hong Kong, Ecuador, and Peru. I've even had the opportunity to see four of my very best friends go off to serve the Lord in the past six months, in places as far away as Germany, Honduras, and Brazil, or as "close to home" as Alaska. While all of these wonderful people certainly helped influence my decision, I knew it was going to have to be something that I chose to do. So I started to pray.
I prayed for a long time just asking "Should I go?" and never got an answer. If I'm going to be completely honest, it started to concern me a little. It wasn't until I took a Book of Mormon class at BYU over the summer that I realized what I was doing wrong. I don't remember the exact point Brother Sackett, my professor, was trying to make, but he said something that really struck me. "Guys! God will never take away your agency!" I had been asking the wrong question. Heavenly Father wasn't going to tell me what to do and take away my choice. The instances we hear of that tell of a miraculous answer are the exception, not the rule. I honestly felt a little dumb. This is what my seminary teachers had been teaching me all through high school. Study it out! Make a decision! After pondering it for a while, I decided I would go. I was going to serve a mission.
That's when I learned my second big lesson about prayer. I began to pray about my decision, asking if it was right. I thought for sure I'd get an answer. But I didn't. I prayed and fasted and waited, and still nothing. Around that time, I read a devotional speech given in 2009 about agency. One specific quote stood out to me: "When we do ask, I believe the most common answer for one who is living the gospel and is already tuned to the Spirit will likely be “You decide.” The Lord does not tell us this because He does not care or does not want to help. He does not tell us precisely because He does care and He does love us. It blesses us to learn to use our agency on our own. That is why we are here."
Around that time, I was working on a research paper for my Book of Mormon class, and came across this quote from Elder Richard G. Scott: "When He withholds an answer, it is to have us grow through faith in Him, obedience to His commandments, and a willingness to act on truth. We are expected to assume accountability by acting on a decision that is consistent with His teachings without prior confirmation. We are not to sit passively waiting or to murmur because the Lord has not spoken. We are to act." That's when I realized that the Lord trusted me to make the right decision, and now I needed to act on it. I knew that I wouldn't be allowed to do anything that would take me away from the path I was supposed to be on.
This concept was further confirmed to me as I studied the story of the Brother of Jared in the book of Ether in the Book of Mormon. In Ether 2:14, we read that the Lord chastened the Brother of Jared for three hours for not praying. The Brother of Jared humbles himself and prays. Continuing on, we find that the Lord first gives the Brother of Jared direct answers, telling him exactly what to do: build barges. So the Brother of Jared follows the command and builds barges, but he runs into some problems. He goes to the Lord in prayer, asking how to provide light and air in the barges. Concerning the issue of air, the Lord gives direct guidance, but instead of solving the problem of light, he asks "What will ye that I should do...?" He doesn't solve the problem, but instead tells the Brother of Jared to come up with a solution. This is what happens more often than not. We have to come up with our own solutions, and then take them to the Lord. But it doesn't stop there. The Brother of Jared doesn't just come up with a plan and then ask if it's right, he acts on it. He puts his plan into action, and then asks for help from the Lord. This is the pattern we need in our lives.
And so, I decided to press on in my decision. As I met with my bishop for the first time to open my papers, I started to feel something. As I began to fill out the papers and receive the required medical and dental treatments, it got stronger. When my stake president finally let me hit submit and send my papers to the mission office in Salt Lake City, I realized what it was. It was my answer. After praying with real intent, pondering my situation, making a decision, and acting upon that decision, I received my answer. A mission was right for me.
After finally making my decision to serve, everything I learned about the gospel excited me. I was taking a church history class centered around the life of Joseph Smith and I'd walk out of class every day thinking "Yes. That's it. That's the thing that I most want to share!" Then I'd go to my Book of Mormon class and walk out wanting nothing more than to share that incredible book with the people of Texas. I found myself thinking about the Plan of Salvation and how there's hope for everyone and families can be together forever. What other doctrine is more beautiful than that? But as I thought about it more and more, I realized that everything boils down to one thing: Christ.
The very purpose of a missionary is to "Invite others to come to Christ..." It's not to invite others to come to know Joseph Smith or the Book of Mormon or the Plan of Salvation, although those are all important things that missionaries do use... The main purpose of a missionary is to invite others to come to Christ. The most important thing that I can share as a missionary is Christ. And I can do it through the Gospel.
Christ loves everyone and wants everyone to have the opportunity to know Him. I've felt that love for myself. Even before I knew where I was going, I knew I loved the people. I wanted them to feel Christ's love for them, just as I had. I love the people of Texas so much, and I haven't even been there yet! When my best friend heard about my call, he wrote me a letter and said something that really stood out to me. "Abbie, you will love your mission just like I have so far! You will love everything about it, even the bad times. Because of one reason: you are representing Jesus Christ Himself and when you find and you teach people you feel an extension of his love to them through you. You will come to love the people you come in contact with faster than you would ever imagine possible."
I think the feeling can best be summed up by using the the experience of Lehi in 1 Nephi 8: 11-12. Lehi tastes the fruit of the gospel and he knows it's the sweetest thing and he immediately wants to share it. I've tasted the fruit of the gospel and it truly is the sweetest thing I have ever tasted. I want nothing more than to share it, because I know it is 'desirable above all other fruit.'
