True Obedience

A Thanksgiving pie from mom!!

Dear all,

It has been another miraculous week, but I have begun to expect nothing less! A speaker in sacrament meeting yesterday pointed out that we can't let miracles become commonplace and stop recognizing them, even when they happen so often. I feel blessed to have been able to develop that kind of attitude while serving our God of miracles!

Sister Johnson and me playing the piano!

I had the opportunity to go biking this week! Anyone who knows me really well probably knows that biking isn't my forte. (Don't worry, Dad, I didn't run into any parked cars. Haha!) It was truly a lesson in endurance. Whoever told me that San Antonio is flat should come and bike in the area around the temple. Those hills are pretty great! Very eye opening to just how out of shape I have become! We were riding up one big hill, and I didn't think I could ride any longer. Just as I was about to hop off and walk my bike up the rest of the hill (which would probably have been faster), my eyes caught hold of the temple. I was able to ride the rest of the way up the hill, telling myself that this was surely the last one... but then there was another one, just past the temple. I spent the rest of the day thinking about how sometimes we think that it's very difficult to endure to the temple, thinking "If I can only get to the temple, it will be smooth sailing from there!" We fail to realize that the temple is not an end, but a beginning. A beginning to a life full of events that can be harder than we would like, but only serve to strengthen us! The same can be said for baptism! It was very neat to be able to think about how that principle would apply to our investigators and less-active members we pray for every day.

I had an opportunity this week to see just how much I have grown, and as I've reflected on it, I've grown a little more. We visited a man this week who is very well versed in scripture, including our standard works. He told us that he has spent over 5,000 hours studying "Mormonism" and had some questions for us. We were understandably excited to answer questions, but I was also a little bit nervous, wondering just what his questions were. He soon dove into deep doctrine that neither my companion nor I had ever really studied in depth. We strove to give him simple answers that didn't distract from the simplicity of the message of the Restoration, but he would have none of it. He continued to hound us with more and more questions. (Here is one point that I recognized growth, because not once did I feel frustrated to the point of tears, as I did the first few times this happened to me). He finally asked us what our motives were, and if they were pure. He looked me right in the eyes, so I knew that I would need to answer his question, and not just wait for my companion to know what to say. My heart was pounding just as it used to do before I would finally decide to get up in a testimony meeting. I knew that I needed to testify. My mind immediately jumped to my name tag, and before I could really think about what I was doing, I had it in my hand and I held it out to him. I said: "The answer is here on this name tag. I have left my family for 18 months. I have left everything behind. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. But I have done it because I love my Savior and I love my God. Because I know that our Father loves us and has not left us alone to find our own way back to Him. And I will spend every breath to my very last declaring this gospel to all of God's children. I will continue to serve my fellowmen and my Father and His Son until the day I die. Out of love." Call me a horrible missionary, but I don't really remember much of what he said after that. I do know, however, that he didn't like my answer. He stared at me blankly for a few seconds before telling me that my motive wasn't enough, that love couldn't be a pure motive for anything, or something of that nature. I calmly put my tag back on, willing my heart to be calm as well. We eventually were able to leave with a prayer, leaving him with a chapter in the Book of Mormon to read and ponder. I have spent much time over the last few days thinking about his question and the answer that I gave.



It is incredible to me how much one person can change in as little as 11 months. My memory immediately jumped to the first time someone attempted to bash with me and my fearless trainer, Sister Gagon. I remember having the same feeling and wanting to testify and know what to say, but not having the courage to truly open my mouth, other than to mumble some apologies. I remember another time, this time with Sister Montclair, when I just sat and allowed my companion to testify, terrified of the woman who sat in front of us. The Lord has allowed me to grow so much, and I hardly recognized it until that day this last week. I was able to open my mouth and testify with all the feeling and surety in my heart that I love my Heavenly Father and I love my Savior and I know that They love us. There was no hesitation, no "Maybe Sister Johnson will know what to say". And because I opened my mouth, I was able to feel the Spirit confirm my words and help me know that my motive was pure, despite what the man said. There is no better feeling in this world than to feel of our Father's love, and that's what I felt that day.

But I was left to ponder what my answer would have been in the past if I had had the courage to open my mouth. All I can say is that I know it has changed, because I have changed. I have learned!

Before being a missionary, I would often think about what the hardest thing to teach people would be. I concluded that it would be the Word of Wisdom, for various reasons. When I arrived in the field, I changed my answer to the Law of Chastity. Later, I decided that it was definitely the Law of Tithing. Then I changed my answer again. And again. But now, as I look back, and especially as I've reflected over the last week... I realize that the hardest thing to help people understand is what true obedience is.

True obedience isn't following a strict set of laws and rules perfectly, and maybe even a little grudgingly. It's not doing things because you know you're supposed to, or making yourself miserable over every little detail of every little rule, hoping that one day you will be saved. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said: "It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become."

True obedience is recognizing what our Heavenly Father wants us to become, and allowing Him to change us. Elder Von G. Keetch taught: "True obedience... is giving ourselves entirely to Him and allowing Him to chart our course both in calm waters and in troubled ones, understanding that He can make more of us than we could ever make of ourselves." We have to be willing to do more than sacrifice, but be willing to completely give our will to Him and make His will our own.

The first and great commandment, as taught by Jesus Christ during His earthly ministry, is: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind" (Matthew 22:37). What does this mean to you? If we look at the commandments as a large list of dos and don'ts, are we really loving the Lord our God will all of our heart, soul, and mind? If we grudgingly throw away our coffee, or reluctantly stop mowing the lawn on Sunday are we really showing God that we love Him? True obedience starts in the heart. Again, we have to be willing to do more than sacrifice, but be willing to completely give our will to Him and make His will our own. It is then that obedience becomes less of a duty and more of a privilege.

When we come to understand this, commandments such as the Word of Wisdom and the Law of Chastity are no longer lists of rules and dos and don'ts. We stop looking at them as barriers. We instead ask ourselves "Do I love the Lord?" Then we won't have excuses like "But I like my beer!" or "But I can't afford the rent on my own. I need to live here with my boyfriend." We will instead recognize the will of the Lord and do all we can to make it our own. Out of love! We pour the alcohol down the drain. We move out the next day. We show the Lord that we love Him with our whole heart and soul and mind.

What manner of men ought we to be? Even as Christ is. (see 3 Nephi 27:27) He lived the perfect life. He did not give in to a single temptation. He did not question the will of the Father. He loved His Father perfectly. His was the ultimate act of true obedience. In Gethsemane, our Savior prayed unto the Father: "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me," but followed with perfect love, "nevertheless not my will, but Thine, be done."

May this ever be our own prayer!

Love,
Sister Waite